KING KONG -- Peter Jackson, dir

©2005
dir: Peter Jackson
cast: Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrien Brody, Thomas Kretschmann, Colin Hanks, Andy Serkis, Evan Parke, Jamie Bell
studio: Universal
production company: Big Primate Pictures, Universal Pictures, WingNut Films, MFPV Film
screenplay: Fran Walsh & Philippa Boyens & Peter Jackson from a story by Merian C. Cooper & Edgar Wallace

In 1933 New York, an overly ambitious movie producer coerces his cast and hired ship crew to travel to mysterious Skull Island, where they encounter Kong, a giant ape who is immediately smitten with leading lady Ann Darrow.

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What a lousy film.

I wanted to like it, but there seemed to be too much pulling it away from like-ability.

First, there's Jack Black. Who, on this earth, thinks that this man can act?! He can over-act and over-react, but never once, not even for a second, did I ever believe that this character was capable of ANYthing.

Then there's Naomi Watts. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Ms. Watts, but there's nothing outstanding about her either. I failed to see anything about her that would attract any man or ape. Kong seemed more attracted to her for her comedic body movement, which leads me to ...

Three... there was no sexual tension/attraction between the big ape and Ms. Darrow. Failing that, what draws us to the movie? The special effects?

Four... the special effects. It's been seventy years since Kong first appeared on the screen. There have been fantastic leaps in special effects abilities since then. But you might not know it based on this film. The dinosaur stampede was laughable. Did anyone get caught up in it? Or did you laugh at the obvious green screen effect? And did Kong's arm pass right through some people in New York? I expect better effects in the 21st century!

Five... This movie was not about lust, or love, or man's inner beast. It was about showing off. It was about Jackson's attempt to show how he could do it all again, only better. Only he didn't. I actually groaned out loud when it became obvious that I was about to sit through another "creature of the moment" scene. Enough already! We got the idea! Show us once, maybe twice, and you can cut the movie down to a realistic length! Giant worms eating people? What was the point?

And while I can easily buy the premise of a 25' gorilla living on a lost island with a variety of dinosaurs, I simply can't buy the fact that a kid who's never held a gun before in his life could use a machine gun to shoot giant bugs off a moving man's body, and never even scratch the man himself. That ranked right up there with trying to believe Jack Black could carry a dramatic role.

What did the movie have going for it? Well, I liked Adrien Brody, and Thomas Kretschmann, and I believed Naomi Watts' affection for Kong. It definitely wasn't worth three hours of my time, though.